parents today want their

According to a University of Michigan researcher, concerns about safety are the main reason that less than 13 percent of U.S. children walked or biked to school in 2004, compared to more than 50 Throughout the week, we have looked at a wide variety of issues that mothers and fathers contend with, including their changing roles, the way we raise kids, and the costs of child care. Judy 6. Rule 6 - [Serious] tagged posts are off-limits to jokes or irrelevant replies. 7. Rule 7 - No begging for goods or services, or Reddit rewards. 8. Rule 8 - Be respectful to other users at all times and conduct your behaviour in a civil manner. 9. Rule 9 - No image only replies or large ascii art. 10. An extensive survey reveals that parents want more information about schools today - their wish results in a magazine and social media campaign. Published: 25.8.2021 9.02 Updated: School Rules! (Peruskoulu on parasta) is a 56-page magazine for pupils and their parents. The printed magazine will be distributed to 5th and 7th grade pupils Mom, thank you for your personality. For sharing your love of life, sense of humor, excitement for every experience, ability to befriend a stranger, and courage to look fear directly in the face until it backs down. Dad, thank you for your love of sports - both in watching and playing them. Dating While Separated But Not Divorced. Surgeon General Social media presents "profound risk" for kids 0607 - Source CNN Editor’s Note Click here to learn how Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy describes his own relationship to social media and what his wife said to him to make him change his ways. CNN — As a father of three teenage girls, one of my biggest parenting challenges has been navigating smartphones and social media. There has been almost no precedent for this, as our girls were born just as these new technologies were taking hold. My wife and I would often have long conversations late into the night discussing what we thought was the best approach. Even though our kids are just a few years apart in age, we found that our tolerance of social media had already shifted between our oldest and our youngest, as the technology was changing so quickly. The truth is, we weren’t ever sure we had done the best job we could. So when US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy came out with his advisory about social media and the mental health of this country’s youth a couple of weeks ago, I was interested to see what the approach would be. After all, we are used to hearing the surgeon general sound warnings about cigarettes and opioids. Would smartphones and social media be given that same level of dire warning? The short answer Yes. The report highlights that we don’t really have evidence of safety around these technologies but acknowledges that there is tremendous utility and need for them, as well. I often think about social media less like tobacco and more like junk food. Unlike tobacco, we need food to survive, so we can’t cut it out altogether. But there is no doubt we can pick healthy food or junk food, and indulge in too much of it. The more I read the report, which runs about 20 pages, the more I felt a sense of unity and relief around a topic many of us – young and old, but maybe especially teens and their parents – have to deal with the increasing amount of time we spend on our smartphones, often doing the digital equivalent of gorging on junk food. As a parent, I found it refreshing to have someone – the person appointed by the President to be the nation’s doctor, no less – finally weigh in on what I and many others have been thinking and feeling Something is not right, and the growing concerns are not being adequately addressed. The advisory confirmed that “increasingly, evidence is indicating there is reason to be concerned about the risk of harm social media use poses to children and Murthy’s advisory lays bare some raw truths Social media has not been proved safe, and in some cases, it can be harmful to our kids by exposing them to sexual, violent and hate-based content, as well as content that perpetuates body dissatisfaction or allows bullying. And parents – like him and like me – have been left bearing the sole responsibility for keeping kids safe, with too little support and too few tools to manage the complex situation. Particularly bewildering to me have been the algorithms that allow kids to be exposed to such damaging content in the first place and the lack of control over both the type and the amount of content our kids are absorbing. A 2022 survey of American teenagers from the Pew Research Center found that 95% of teens have access to a smartphone, and nearly half of teens 46% say they use the internet “almost constantly” – all of which adds up to a lot of time spent and content consumed on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat. For those of you who listen to the “Chasing Life” podcast, you’ll know we devoted last season entirely to this very important topic, trying to peel back some of the layers surrounding our dependence on our devices. I spent a lot of time having thorough conversations with my own girls about the topic, and it was illuminating for all of us. The surgeon general told me he was touched by those conversations, and it was one of the reasons he wanted to join me on the podcast this week, which we turned into a special episode of “Chasing Tune in to hear more about how the Murthy family handles social media at home with their 5- and 6-year-olds, who know more about it than their father realized. “This technology is already being used by 95% of kids, right. And I don’t think that it’s realistic to put the genie back in the bottle here or to say somehow, nobody should be using social media. That’s not the goal here,” Murthy said. The goal, he said, is to figure out how we can make this safer and enable more kids to have the kind of experience that my own daughters have had, which they say have been mostly positive and helpful. “Our kids have one childhood, and they don’t get to repeat it again. And so we’ve got to do everything we can with full urgency to make sure that these priorities are places where we take quick action,” he said. Murthy recommends that parents take three steps to start helping their kids maximize the benefits and minimize the harms, especially if they are already on social media. Have the conversation. “Start the conversation with your child about social media so you can learn how they use it, how they feel when they use it. And you can also help them understand what’s a safe and unsafe interaction or engagement on social media. We want our kids to know if they’re being harassed or bullied, especially by strangers, that they should reach out for help,” Murthy said. Establish tech-free zones. “We know that for our kids, especially in adolescence, that sleep is critical for them, physical activity is essential, and in-person interaction is vital. So creating tech-free zones around those activities – for example, having an hour before sleep and throughout the night when your kids can’t use their devices, making dinner time or mealtimes tech-free zones – that can also help those kinds of boundaries,” he said. Partner with other parents. “That can actually make it a bit easier to make some of these changes and to also troubleshoot when we’re having a hard time. It can also help our kids too, because if we are putting certain limitations or boundaries in place and we’re doing that collectively, with other parents, then our kids know that they’re not the only kids out there who are being limited in their use of social media,” he said. I know I hear that a lot from my kids – “but every other kid gets to do this” – and as Murthy pointed out, it’s hard as a parent to hear that, because you don’t want your kid left out or isolated. But I am also reassured because my eldest daughter told me, in retrospect, that my wife and I probably should have kept her off social media a little bit longer. And while that was hard to hear, it also let me know that she, and her sisters, are aware of social media’s potential pitfalls. Murthy has one last piece of advice for parents. “I just want all parents out there to know that this is an incredibly difficult issue to manage for your kids. And if you’re struggling, if you’re having a hard time, if you have days where you feel like you made the wrong decision for your kid, please don’t beat yourself up over that, and know that a lot of parents are in the same boat. They’re dealing with this new, evolving technology that a lot of people still don’t fully grasp or understand. And so just don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said. And that’s a message we can all take to heart. The fact is, the deck is stacked against us, with apps specifically designed to keep us on them longer and longer. And we as parents can’t be expected to change everything by ourselves. To that end, Murthy’s advisory also has plenty of recommendations for what social media companies can do to make their apps and platforms safer such as time limits and an end to infinite scrolling and the role researchers and others can play in getting more basic data about safety such as which kids are is at higher risk of harm. Murthy’s advisory, which goes further than statements from other medical organizations, is a rallying cry, if you will, for society – researchers, legislators, Big Tech, parents – to stop collectively ignoring the problem and start acting now to address it. Parenting is filled with hard decisions and conversations. This is one you can start now to help shape the future you want for your children. By laying out the issues facing many parents today, the surgeon general’s report gives us a roadmap for a way forward. Not sure how to start a conversation with your kids about internet and social media use? Here’s a list of conversation prompts that might help. Walk me through how you typically use your phone in a day. Are you on as soon as you wake up? During class? Just before falling asleep? How much time do you estimate you spend on your phone on an average day? Do you feel that’s too much, not enough or just the right amount of time? Which apps, games or platforms are your favorite, and why do you like them? When you get on your favorite, what do you hope to get out of it? Do you feel you have a healthy relationship with technology and social media? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Do you feel you have fair and clear boundaries for screen time? Are those limits something you can stick to? Do you want to see some changes to the rules? Has there ever been a time when technology got in the way of doing an activity you wanted to do? Do you ever feel like there’s pressure from friends or people at school to be on your phone? Are there some people you know who don’t use technology in the best ways? Is there anything about technology or social media you’re worried about? Have you ever tried to reduce your screen time?  What made you feel that way? What did you do and did this work? Are you hopeful for your future?  Why or why not? CNN’s Andrea Kane contributed to this report. Dear Amy I am in my mid-20s and have a great relationship with my parents. I live nearby and see them multiple times a week. They have a large social network of other married couples as friends, many of whom I’ve known since childhood, as they were the parents of my own friends, classmates, neighborhood kids, the past couple of years, I’ve started to feel uncomfortable around one of their male friends, “Biff.” He has never done or said anything specific, but I can’t help but just feel this … icky vibe when I’m around him. It’s little things, like just leaning in too close when he talks to me, holding eye contact too long, and “teasing” in a way that if it was coming from a man my age I would perceive as definite parents are planning a weekend vacation at the end of the summer at an Airbnb. They plan to invite several of their friend-couples, including this man and his wife. I really want to go, but I can’t shake this nagging feeling that I will be spending the weekend avoiding him and not wanting to wear a swimsuit in front of have absolutely no idea how to bring this up to my don’t have any quantifiable examples to give them or incidents to cite as to why he makes me feel this way, and they’ve been friends with this family so long that I’m honestly scared to bring it up and cause a rift or any kind of do you think I should do?— ConflictedConflicted You understand that your folks have the right to invite their friends to join them on their vacation. You also understand that if any of these people make you extremely uncomfortable, then you could either confront him or avoid contact by staying is vital that you listen to your own instincts, even if you lack specific evidence to point to. You should tell your folks that you’ve decided not to join them. If they ask you why, you should tell them, truthfully, that you are uncomfortable around “Biff,” and so you’ve decided to avoid parents might dismiss your concerns in some expected ways “Oh, he’s harmless; he does that to all the lovely ladies,” etc. You can then tell them that you think he’s a skeeve, and that you don’t feel like smiling while he close-talks, flirts and stares down your bikini that you don’t wish to control who they maintain friendships and choose to spend time with. Don’t ask them to disinvite this couple. Tell them you understand this is a long-standing friendship, but that this is your personal choice, based on your experiences and Amy I have a friend who has recently decided to take it upon himself to invite himself to certain social occasions. For example, he recently contacted me in the following situation “I understand you are having dinner with the Browns tomorrow. Do you mind if we join you?”In another instance, I invited him to join a group for lunch and he asked me to change the date. When I did not change the date, he asked me to change the time. This type of situation has come up several times with find this behavior to be presumptuous and rude. Am I being too thin skinned? How should I handle it?— Thin SkinnedThin Skinned When someone approaches you with an unreasonable request, it helps to keep in mind that anyone can ask anything, as long as they are prepared for an honest friend sounds higher-maintenance than most. Just as he can ask anything of you, so can you ask “Do you realize that you have a habit of tinkering with my well-laid plans?”Dear Amy I would like to offer a response to the recent retiree “Life Is Good” who wondered how to answer when people ask him what he does all years ago, I was given this wonderful reply, and would like to share it with him and anyone else who may find this helpful, and funny “I do nothing, but I do it in the morning so my afternoons are free.”It tends to leave the questioner either speechless or amused. Either one works for me.— MM Readers have supplied many genius responses to this question. This one’s a winner.© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency. Millennial parents want schools to equip their children with social and emotional skills, as well as ... [+] subject knowledge Pic Getty Creativegetty Millennial parents want their children to learn in schools that are creative, flexible and have a global outlook, according to research for a leading international schools provider. And parents increasingly value soft skills and personal attitudes above proficiency in academic subjects. Millennials - now aged between their mid-20s and their 40s - have grown up in a time of rapid change and an increasingly globalized world that has shaped not only their own lives, but the sort of education they want for their children. Given that they are the largest generation in history and will soon become the biggest parent group with school age children, international school group Nord Anglia Education undertook to try to understand what sort of education they want for their children through a series of focus groups in China, North America, the and Spain. And the results showed a clear focus on soft skills. When asked to rate a series of qualities they would want in their child’s school, the most popular answer was enabling students to be creative and innovate. Also highly rated by millennial parents were schools that promoted physical, emotional and mental well-being, language learning, creative learning and a start-up’ mentality. Parents wanted schools to help their children be adaptable, equip them with life skills and help them gain social and emotional skills such as the ability to manage conflict. This does not come at the expense of academic achievement. Parents also rated schools that helped students achieve the best academic results possible. But there is a clear emphasis on equipping children with more than just good grades. “Millennials, like Gen X’ers and Baby Boomers, want their children to achieve great academic results. It’s just now they want far more from their child’s wider education,” says Dr Elise Ecoff, Nord Anglia’s Global Education Director. She attributes this as a response to rapid changes in the world, from advances in technology to an increasingly globalized marketplace. “There’s a definite shift in terms of what they want for their child’s education compared to other generations,” she says. “Millennials want their children’s education to help them be prepared, in terms of life-skills and academics, in a future they can’t quite define yet. Creativity, well-being, resilience and a sense of purpose are top of the list of skills they want their child to develop so they’re ready for life in an uncertain world.”Millennial parents were asked to rank out of 10 qualities they want in their children's schools ... [+] Source Kids Industries research for Nord Anglia EducationKids Industries/Nord Anglia Education While the pandemic may have amplified the importance of a well-rounded education, many schools were shifting towards these softer skills even before Covid-19 hit, Dr Ecoff says. “It’s not enough just to be book-smart’, children need to be able to work in teams, from different cultures, and develop resilience and creativity to see the art of the possible’,” she adds. Schools can help meet parents’ aspirations by taking a more personalized approach to education, adapting lessons in accordance with how a child learns best, and encouraging experimentation and finding solutions by trial and error, she says. “Creativity in education isn’t just about the creative arts, although these disciplines do broaden students’ skills like resilience and team-work, for example,” she says. “We view creativity as encouraging students to think creatively when they’re faced with opportunities and challenges.” As well as creativity, millennial parents want schools to help their children develop resilience, communication skills, critical thinking and an international outlook, according to the research. And skills such as flexibility, managing conflict and basic life skills were cited more than profession or subject mastery when parents were asked to think about what their children would need in the future. “Academic achievement will always be one of the key foundations for education, but it'll be measured in a more holistic way,” Dr Ecoff says. “For example, alongside academic results, experiences helping students to explore, grow and think critically are already vital and that’s only going to increase. “From our conversations with parents today, these attributes are seen as incredibly important so their children have everything they need for life and the future workplace.” Source pexels Stuff. No matter how valuable, how beautiful, how family-historic, or how meaningful some of our “stuff” is, most millennials don’t want it. To them, a set of china, crystal, sterling flatware, our grandmother’s tea service, or that cherished dining set with the matching hutch are things they not only politely refuse to take on, but will also have to deal with getting rid of when we’re gone. It’s interesting to think first about why we, as boomers, put so much value on it, and then turn around and wonder why our kids don’t. In my mind, there is a psychology built on what each generation considers important, making it easier to judge one another instead of understanding the reasoning. Women in my age range tsk-tsk at how their children’s generation would readily haul off their parents’ valuables to a thrift store after they’re gone instead of displaying it, treasuring it, and telling the stories behind it to the next generation. But I get it. I really do. My war-generation parents loved to share their belongings with grace. They threw formal cocktail parties and had elaborate dinners with elegantly-set tables on lovely furniture, leaving nothing to chance — with attention paid right down to the last butter knife, wine decanter, coffee cup and saucer, and dessert plate sitting on a nearby breakfront, poised to be placed on the table the moment the main course was finished. Our house was spotless, with all beds made to perfection just in case a guest wanted a tour. And no, my family was not wealthy. They were formed from the stereotypical single-income, middle- class that no longer exists — the one that took great took pride in owning at least one car, taking yearly 2-week vacations, and entertaining their friends and family at any time of year. Frugality was a learned art for them. Lights were turned off when not in use. Saturday was “bath” night. Rubber bands were collected, foil was washed and re-used, and mothers regularly lost their voices yelling out windows to get their kids home by dark. Planning a dinner party was not for the purposes of showing off; it was, rather, for “treating” their guests, and most of the time there was an unspoken sense of reciprocation that went along with it. I would hear the "company" say, “It’s our turn to have you over next!” as the lipsticked wives donned their perfumed coats and white gloves to head out the door after an evening of alcohol, bad jokes, dinner, music, and laughter. Enter the boomers — their now-grown kids. The ones told not to touch the hors d'oeuvres or dessert and sent to bed early so "adulting" could take place. While deeply appreciating what our parents’ generation handed us as well as their wartime or immigrant sacrifices, we may have begun our married lives trying to emulate our entertaining parents with the best of intentions. But by the time we grew up, things had changed. Boomer moms were more educated and career-oriented, having more options than any generation of women before them. Having the kind of "lifestyle" we sought required two incomes. No longer were there weeks on end to prepare for a fancy night of entertaining. Those were reserved for holidays only. Our own kids noticed sets of dishes, crystal, and flatware were brought out only rarely, knowing the rest of the year they took up recesses in closets, cabinets, and labeled boxes. As a young adult, I came to the conclusion that I no longer needed to try to be my own saintly mother — even worse — I knew could never come close to the kind of domestically-proud woman she was anyway. While she gazed lovingly at the lit-up contents of her china cabinet, I wondered why we had to have a department store window in our dining room — a place that was simply kept dusted all the time and rarely used as she got older. And when I got into my 50s, long after Mom was gone, I sold my own china cabinet. My dinnerware all got shoved into a cabinet underneath our stairs — accessible but no longer featured. While I enjoy entertaining, I stopped using my china and silver wedding gifts from long, long ago and began opting for the fun Crate & Barrel stuff with Pier 1 linens. Guests seemed more at ease with less dressy place settings, and I was gung-ho to make them feel comfortable, as they arrived in casual clothing greeted by their hosts sporting the same look. Now? I am still hanging on to a few items I truly love, but recently I snapped smartphone photos of the objects or collections I am willing to let go of, asking my daughter about her level of interest in any of it. “I already have an obscene amount of STUFF,” she told me. And while I know she cherishes a few odds and ends from my mom a pair of mid-century modern loveseats, for instance, there is really nothing of mine she wants. Millennials tend to be minimalists. Formal dining rooms are not a requirement. And they’re happy to use their everyday plates to serve their “hang-out” guests. Chicago Tribune’s Denise Crosby, writing about succeeding generations, says, “Auctioneers and appraisers, junk haulers and moving companies all seem to be echoing the same thing The market is flooded with baby boomer rejects. And they cite a number of reasons our kids are turning down the possessions we so generously offer to them. They rent rather than own, live in smaller spaces, collect more digital than physical items, and tend to put their money toward experiences rather than things.” I made the decision, therefore, to sell some of my things and use the money for our next big trip, whenever the world is ready to let us travel again. There are sites like eBay, Craigslist, Facebook Marketplaces, and tons of silver and china-buying venues happy to share in the profit. While I once thought of passing down things to my daughter, I realized that all I would be doing at this point is burdening her with a collection of things she will either need to find a home for or bequeath to a thrift store. And I feel no resentment about it whatsoever, because what she values is not the physical things that I possess. She values who I am. And, someday — who I was. So I regularly contribute chapters to my own life memoir as much of it as I can recall so that she and any future generations might know something about me they never have been otherwise privy to. It is my gift to her. Somehow, I know that is more valuable than a crystal goblet. Facebook image Elena Elisseeva/Shutterstock Source Zoran Pucarevic/Shutterstock New research shows that women's parents choose less attractive partners for their daughters than women choose for themselves. Why would parents want their daughters to date someone less attractive? The reasons may surprise you. Imagine you were searching for a long-term mate. Which traits would be most important to you in a partner? Honesty? A sense of humor? Physical attractiveness? When we ask both parents and their children about the most important traits for a potential mate, offspring value physical attractiveness in a potential mate for themselves more than their parents value attractiveness in a potential mate for their children Apostolou, 2015; Buunk & Solano, 2010; Fugère et al., 2017; Perilloux et al., 2011. Researchers propose an evolutionary explanation for this difference in priorities Because offspring are more strongly genetically related to their future children than their parents are, offspring should value the good genes signaled by the physically attractive appearance of a partner more than their parents do Apostolou, 2015; Perilloux et al., 2011. However, just because good genes are more important to offspring doesn't mean that they are unimportant to parents. Parents benefit when their children choose attractive mates by gaining good genes for their grandchildren Apostolou, 2015, and recent experimental research suggests that physical attractiveness plays a stronger role than personality characteristics in the mate choices of both women and their parents Fugère et al., 2017b. In the current research project, researchers assessed the mate preferences of matched samples of women and one or both parents Fugère et al., 2018. The participants included 133 women, 61 mothers, and 84 fathers. The participants were primarily Caucasian. The researchers presented women and their parents with photographs of three Caucasian men varying in attractiveness from more to less attractive. The photographs were associated with different personality characteristics as well. For example, one trait profile included being respectful, trustworthy, and honest, while another included having a pleasing disposition, ambition, and intelligence. The different trait profiles were randomly associated with the men’s photographs. Women were asked to choose the most desirable mate for themselves, and parents were asked to choose the most desirable mate for their daughters. The results revealed that women were most likely to choose the most attractive man as the best mate for themselves, regardless of the personality trait profile he was assigned. Women's parents, however, were most likely to choose the moderately attractive man as the best mate for their daughters, regardless of the personality characteristics associated with that individual. Neither women nor their parents chose the unattractive man as the best mate, even when he possessed the most favorable personality characteristics. Unattractiveness may be unacceptable to both parents and offspring, because it can signal susceptibility to pathogens see Perilloux et al., 2010. These results raise the possibility that parents might actively avoid attractive mates for their daughters, even if the attractive men are purported to have good personalities. The researchers interpret these findings to suggest that parents prefer less attractive mates for their daughters, because attractive men are less likely to stay in long-term relationships Ma-Kellams et al., 2017; Mueller and Mazur, 2001. Parents may also choose partners for their daughters who are less attractive, because parents perceive that less attractive men may be more likely to stay in the relationship and, importantly, help raise any future offspring Gangestad & Simpson, 2000. This interpretation is bolstered by research showing that parents care more about qualities that indicate the potential for investment in future children, such as socioeconomic status and dependable character Apostolou, 2015; Buunk and Salano, 2010; Fugère et al., 2017a; Perilloux et al., 2011. Although the current research involves only women and their parents, the researchers expect similar results for men and their parents. Both men and women who are more attractive are more likely to leave their relationships Ma-Kellams et al., 2017, and may, therefore, be perceived as less desirable partners by parents. References Apostolou, M. 2015. Parent–offspring conflict over mating Domains of agreement and disagreement. Evolutionary Psychology, 133, 1-12. doi Buunk, A. P., & Solano, A. C. 2010. Conflicting preferences of parents and offspring over criteria for a mate A study in Argentina. Journal of Family Psychology, 244, 391-399. doi Fugère, M. A., Chabot, C.,* Doucette, K.,* & Cousins, A. J. 2017b. The importance of physical attractiveness to the mate choices of women and their mothers. Evolutionary Psychological Sciences, 33, 243–252. Fugere, M. A., Doucette, K.*, Chabot, C.*, Cousins, A. J., Perreault, J.*, & Wylie, A.* March, 2018 Your parents prefer that you date someone less attractive. Resaerch presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Atlanta, GA. Fugère, M. A., Doucette, K.,* Chabot, C.,* & Cousins, A. J. 2017a. Similarities and differences in mate preferences among parents and their adult children. Personality and Individual Differences, 111, 80-85. Gangestad, S. W., & Simpson, J. A. 2000. The evolution of human mating Trade-offs and strategic pluralism. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 234, 573-644. doi Ma‐Kellams, C., Wang, M. C., & Cardiel, H. 2017. Attractiveness and relationship longevity Beauty is not what it is cracked up to be. Personal Relationships, 241, 146-161. Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D. S., & Buss, D. M. 2011. Meet the parents Parent-offspring convergence and divergence in mate preferences. Personality and Individual Differences, 502, 253-258. doi Perilloux, H. K., Webster, G. D., & Gaulin, S. C. 2010. Signals of genetic quality and maternal investment capacity The dynamic effects of fluctuating asymmetry and waist-to-hip ratio on men’s ratings of women’s attractiveness. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11, 34–42. doi

parents today want their